Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
