if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I understand Curling. That high.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
