Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
