We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
