I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
