theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
