What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
