Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
