hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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