Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
