My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
