Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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