You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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