I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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