That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
