I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
