i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
