Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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