Whatcha textin bout Willis?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
