Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I bet he comes in French.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The air was thick with penises
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
