Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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