Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
