She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize