bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
