I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
