my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
