I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize