I got chris browned last night
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
