she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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