I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
