These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
