Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
