Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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