angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
