just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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