Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
