Please, let me fuck your mom
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Boobs speak an international language.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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