Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
