Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need water and some morals
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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