Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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