By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
