Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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