Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
