Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize