There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
