a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
