When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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