At least make sure they are 18
Why
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
