Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
