My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
wanna go halves on a baby?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
