I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
