I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
