He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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