all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
