It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
