Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
