i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize