so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
