When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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