OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
