You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
