FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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