Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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