oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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