I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish I only lived at night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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