watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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