it was like his penis was on wheels.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
