I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
