Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
