I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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