the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
