Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
