So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
high people should be assigned attendants
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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