She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
