I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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