I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
