2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
