I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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