yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
