This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
