i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
