they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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