I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The best revenge is premature balding
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
