Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You left your phone here
Wait...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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