Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
