She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
