After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
