Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
