Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
