he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
