Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
