My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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