i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
