I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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