I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
