Michael Bay diarrhea
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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