so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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