Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
