my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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