you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
