They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
