I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
