this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
