Can i not drive my cunt home
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
