I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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