He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
